Where do I even start??
That’s a good question!!
I’ll go ahead and dare to take a swing though
For me, it all started with feeling misunderstood and not knowing why
Being told to just be myself, but never being accepted when actually doing so
I learned early that being kind, pure and direct doesn’t always get you far
If you have any differences or any needs that others don’t, you are labeled as weird
That’s probably the first thing I was called at school, I kid you not
I took things literally, communicated directly, refused to follow confusing norms I didn’t understand
It made others perceive me as weird, vulnerable and even take advantage of that
I struggled to do well with subjects that didn’t interest me
Some teachers understood, many shrugged it off and just told me to try harder
They told me I could do it because others could
This continued all the way through high school
My mental health deteriorated, my parents worried
I saw a psychiatrist, did a bunch of tests
I learned that I was autistic, but many questions were still left unanswered
I knew why I struggled socially and why I was so good at certain subjects
But no one bothered to tell me it was also why I’m sensitive to lights, sounds or certain foods Thirteen years later I learned that my occasional debilitating executive dysfunction was due to ADHD I learned that before 2013 it was believed one condition canceled out the other
It is now understood that Autism and ADHD do co-occur and around 60-80% of autistics have both I’m actually lucky to have had access to diagnosis
Many people can’t afford it or are denied because they’ve learned to mask so well
They are perceived as being fine but they are exhausted from hiding their disability to avoid prejudice Then some wonder why 80% of autistics have contemplated suicide and 35% have attempted it Because of this our average life expectancy is just 35 years old
The DSM criteria is based on young white boys, autistic women and POC are often ignored
Having a diagnosis can also affect one’s immigration status and legal custody of a child
Many anti-discrimination laws still have exceptions when it comes to disability
Even in the social justice world we are seen as lesser
For people that aren’t as lucky as me self diagnosis is the only option
So let’s listen to folks when they say they’re struggling, it might be what keeps them alive!!
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